petrified

this poor puffer didn't know what else to do when the tide went down... it looks sad and comical at the same time.

Welcome to Hougang Pt 6

♪ How much is that do-ggie by the mailbox? ♫


♪ The one with the sto-ny eyed gaze? ♫


Seriously, the things that people buy (and subsequently throw away) in Hougang.

I don't understand this on so many levels:

1. People mount the heads of prey, like antelopes, etc right? Not the heads of predators?

2. And not fake heads, right...?

You don't know how tempted I was to salvage this and put it on our living room (bed room?) wall. But was veto-ed by the Long Suffering Life Partner (LSLP).

Welcome to Hougang Pt 5

And they say Singaporeans lack initiative!

Clearly, they forget that

THIS!

IS!

HOUGAAAAAAAANG!!!

Really, the only not-cool thing about this is that I would bet on it being human pee instead.

hm, never knew she had a shirt

grace fu
(The graceful... The graceful)

I Went To The Egyptian Exhibition At The National Museum...

... And All I Got Was A Photo Of A Snake Wearing A Hat.

So Richard Scarry!!!

ok, i "won't"

Found in a toilet in (where else?) Hougang.

The best parts are:
1. Using hearts as bullets, alongside words like "toilet paper", "menstruate", and "shit".
2. Spelling out "heart", inside an actual heart.
3. The super mario flower in the bottom left.

"The Electric Man"... uh

Seriously, since when did the Singapore Science Centre get to be so homoerotic?

The exhibit told me to press a green button so that I would send some kind of spark through the... gas?... in the... tube?... so that the... electricity?... would come out (???).

Too bad the exhibit forgot to tell me to ACTIVELY IGNORE the little penis-man that was strapped to the inside with GOLD CHAINS.

I'm not dirty minded in the least.

So not cool.

Double rainbow from the BKE

I thought this was so poignant. I can't remember the last time I saw a rainbow, and I've never seen two at once before. Probably if I had superhuman eyesight I would've been able to see a feinter third rainbow and an even feinter fourth rainbow and so on until infinity...

Schindler's lift

I half expected for the lift doors to jam shut and for poison gas to start pouring in from the vents.

MEESA JAR-JAR BINKS!!!

PISSA!

HEALTH!!

CEA-TRE!!!

You laugh, you laugh... but actually, it's a cross between a health cen-tre and a movie thea-tre.

... That's run by italians who like to "peeeeesssss-a you awwwwfffff-a!"

Snap!!!

Haw Par Villa - Ten Courts of Hell

Welcome to the 2nd installment of Haw Par Villa (tagline: "Not the most subtle place in the world.")

"Aw Boon Har's first tiger car - two red bulbs were placed in the tiger's eye sockets and the sound the horn produced was a tiger's roar"

On to what most people go there for - the Ten Courts of Hell!

anthropomorphised livestock help ease your transition into hell

The park operators are well aware of this, which is why it costs $1 for entry. But even before you enter the actual attraction it's already paid for itself:

pet shop anarchy

(thought bubble: "at least don't need to do NS")

"oh yeah you're really hitting the spot!"

First Court of Hell:

Essentially, you are sorted into EM1, EM2, or EM3.


Second Court of Hell:


If you've ever played mahjong for money:

"SHIVER ME NIPPLES!"

And for all the downtrodden who were forced into prostitution due to circumstances beyond their control...

"a pool of BLOOD? shit!"

... well, life after death will continue to suck.



Third Court of Hell:


Cynical bloggers with political agendas get their comeuppance:

"dude, that's not meant to be pulled!!!!"

As do stubborn couples who refuse to have their traditional wedding ceremony:

"why do you have to be a, heart-brea-ker"

I think this would be such a great photograph to use in Chinese Oral exams. You know the part where you have to describe the picture in a language that completely eludes you? Yah.

Fourth Court of Hell:


IRAS would love to do this to you:

"so you see, the technique is all in the wrist... yes, yes, that's right, i think you've finally got it..."

And if you ever thought of putting your parents in a nursing home (in Johore)...

"grinding people with a large stone is actually very fun, it's just the cleaning up that's a bitch!"

Fifth Court of Hell:


Is dedicated to all credit card companies and the people who work for them.

"don't fuck with me, i have a GIANT COTTON BUD"

Sixth Court of Hell:


All of my favourite hobbies are listed here!!!

"... and THAT's for not wearing your name tag to school, be-yotch!"

"Try surfing porn now, sucker!!!"

At this part I started losing faith in the judicial system of the Chinese Afterlife, because - come on - kidnapping someone is WAY WORSE than cursing their mother.

takeaway point: if you ever have too many knives hanging around your house, you can always consider making a hill of them or a tree of them.

Seventh Court of Hell:


Rumour mongers
Sowing discord among family members
--> Tongue pulled out


Rapists
Driving someone to their death
--> Thrown into wok of boiling oil


Mainly Little Nonya stuff.


Eighth Court of Hell:


This is where the King of Hell realised the number of punishments he'd dreamt up far exceeded the actual number of different crimes, so he started repeating.

"wait, didn't i get punished for the whole filial piety and cheating thing already?"

Ninth Court of Hell:


More repeats, and also a "catch all" clause to make sure necrophiliacs don't get off scot free.

ew.

Tenth Court of Hell:


This is the part where they decide what you get reincarnated into.


If you're pretty ok you get to be a domestic house pet.
If you're not, you get to be a civil servant in your next life.



And then this woman feeds you something which makes you forget every damn thing you ever knew (including A-level Bio)...

"pure, natural spring water from the swiss alps"

... So that you're ready to START ALL OVER AGAIN FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.

if you're really lucky you get to become a fossil.